death of my mother in my head

i was in fourth standard

i wore my sunday best

my brightest smile

and when teachers asked why

i was not in uniform

i said

my mother died

word got around

like fruitflies

around a sore

converged

pitiful glances

tut tut noises

i sat through it all

eyes looking down

so they missed the glint

it was too good to last

someone called up my dad

and everyone knew i lied

i was too young to tell them

that in wishing it

i was making it happen

for years thereafter

it was the biggest event

in my mother's life

remained the headline

anyone who came home

anywhere she went

she carried the story

hushed whispers followed me

everywhere

even today it puzzles me

how come

no one ever asked her

why i wished

death on her

how come no one saw

that i was

sinned against

not sinning?